i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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