If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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