hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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