I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
