Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
