But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
