If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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