I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just had sex on a roof
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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