11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize