I wish I only lived at night.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
