i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
