I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
