She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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