i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
