Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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