I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
