we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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