what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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