No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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