This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
