this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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