A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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