One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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