Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.