She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
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I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
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We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."