I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.