On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
That's when you crack a 10am beer
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
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The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
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You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.