uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
