I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry