Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
