I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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