I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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