If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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