I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
