Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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