i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
