literally had 100 drinks last night.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
