I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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