my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
