My room smells like vodka and shame
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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