so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
why is half of my head shaved?
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