you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
