Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Farmville is her only friend.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
