It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
