Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
