i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I will be naked everywhere
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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