I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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