I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
