I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
