One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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