Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
