My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
