Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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