nut hugger
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
