SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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