There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
