On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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