I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
