you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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