Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
