Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
