Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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