In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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