Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
