So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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