Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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