I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
soo... how was my night?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
