Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
