youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
