I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
