i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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